I’m not Muslim, why can’t I hug my friend who wears hijab?

This question had two parts, and so I decided to display the question in its entirety this way.

Wa alykum as-salaam,

I actually laughed when you asked me to give you a short answer, so I’m going to keep it as short as I can.

When I read your question, all I saw is that you are more concerned with your perspective than you are with her perspective.

If she’s your friend, then you should respect that. She covers herself because that’s what makes her comfortable, that’s how she decides to dress and her beauty is for her and it’s not for you. That’s what you have to keep in mind, you have to take yourself out of it, you have to make yourself understand her, and be respectful of her wishes.

You look at beauty as something you should show, and that’s great for you, and you can live your life that way, but, that’s not how she looks at beauty. She looks at beauty as something that should be cherished, and I think one of the best, short, explanations is from the boxer, Muhammad Ali, who when talking to his daughter said:

“Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get to them. Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.”

That is the perspective that your friend has, and you might not agree with it, but you should respect it. Don’t think that just because she isn’t giving you a “high five” or hugs that she isn’t your friend, or that she thinks that you’re evil or anything. She’s just uncomfortable doing those things. I have to commend you for trying to know more about her, that’s a great sign of respect in your heart, she’s just asking you to understand her as the final part of that respect.

As far Muslim guys, they technically do have a dress code, but I think that Muslim men are more lax about it, because they do not think that women look at men, too. Just look at any Muslim girls’ tumblr, when you get through all the Zayn Malik and Drake pictures, it’s clear that they look at guys, too.** Or, one time, I was sitting in Egypt (where I’m from) and since people don’t think I speak Arabic, I heard two little girls talking: “Do you see his hands? Look at his arms!”

Besides the fact that I don’t understand why women find random things about men attractive, for some reason Muslim men do not see the injunctions towards their modesty the same way, and it’s something that we don’t talk about, mostly because everyone is focused on women, to the point that the obligations for men are forgotten about. Like, for some reason, (some) Muslim guys pray with shorts on. I can’t stand that, but it just shows you how Muslim guys are failing to see themselves in the same way. Also, back in the day, Muslim men used to always cover their heads, whether it was a turban, a fez, or other kinds of head coverings, but, they stopped, for some reason, that answer is really long.

Insha Allah (God Willing) I hope I answered your question, and hopefully kept it short enough, and if you, or anyone else, has any questions, please do not hesitate to ask me.

Ps. When you greet a Muslim it’s “Salaam alykum” and the response is “Wa alykum as-salaam.” So when you greet someone you are saying “peace be upon you,” and you reply by wishing the same to the other person.

**Note: Muslim girls, I get the Zayn Malik stuff, but Drake? Really? Really?